Pops

Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue." - If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing. - Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. - "Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak?" - Want to trace your family tree? Run for public office or win the sweepstakes. - If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? - "I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific." Lily Tomlin - Two rules for life: (1) Don't tell people everything you know. (2) - Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? - REMEMBER WHEN COMPUTER WAS SOMETHING ON TV FROM A SCIENCE FICTION SHOW A WINDOW WAS SOMETHING YOU HATED TO CLEAN.... AND RAM WAS THE COUSIN OF A GOAT..... - Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate - If the #2 pencil is the most pop...

Some one liners... You have all seen some of these and others maybe not. Have fun... All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. OK, so what's the speed of dark? Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case.....coincidence? When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. If ...

If at first you don't succeed Destroy all evidence that shows you tried

TOP TEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE FLAMETHROWERS With scant apologies to Virginia Shea, whose book "Netiquette" defines proper Net behavior, here are the rules of reverse Netiquette presented for those of you who wish to flame properly Rule 10: Never forget that the person reading your mail is a person, with feelings that can be hurt. If you see the opportunity, hurt them. Rule 9: Behave on-line as you do in real life. This way, you can act like a total jerk under all circumstances. Rule 8: Lurk until you get a feel for what's acceptable in a particular forum or newsgroup. Then leap in and do the opposite. Rule 7: Be aware of others' time and bandwidth. Never post anything shorter than seven paragraphs. Ensure your sig is at least a screen long. Rule 6: Make yourself look good online-always post your abuse in complete, grammatically correct sentences. Rule 5: Share expert knowledge. If you know how to push someone's buttons in a forum, send private ema...

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN The Occupational Safety & Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe Load capacity on my butt is 2 persons at a time--unless I install handrails or safety straps. As you have arrived 6th in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your turn. Thank You

Sab: When Travelling in Iraq As we come closer to closing some of these international projects, I thought these key phrases passed on by senior management at Allied-Signal would become useful next year. Useful Phrases to know when Traveling in Muslim Countries AKBAR KHALILI HAFTAR KOREAN. Thank you for showing me your marvelous gun. FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAV AT PAEH GUSH DIVAR. I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my loga apart. SHOMAEH FEEKR TAMOME OH GOFTEH BANDE. I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your life. AUTO ARRAREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH-HAST. It is exceptionally kind of you to allow travel in the trunk of your car. FASAL-ER TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANOGAFTAM CHESSHAYEH MOHEMARA JEBEHKESHV AREHMAN It you will do me the kindness of not having my genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public. KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYE AMRIKAYI. I will tell you the names an...

WEATHERWAX POSTULATE: The degree to which you overreact to information will be in inverse proportion to its accuracy. SCHOPENHAUER'S LAW OF ENTROPY: If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage. ZAPPA'S LAW: There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity. DRAZEN'S LAW OF RESTITUTION: The time it takes to rectify a situation is inversely proportional to the time it took to do the damage. Example: It takes longer to glue a vase together than to break one.

TRYING TO DO THE JOB ALONE Dear Sir: an writing in response to your request for additional. Information on the Workman's Comp. Report. In block #3 of the accident reporting form, I put trying to do the job alone" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the date of the accident, I was working alone on the root of a new six story building. When I completed cy wrk. I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which fortunately was attached to the side of the building, at the sixth floor Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the brick into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly co insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of brick. You will no...